As I write this I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened and how easily several months of hard work can be seemingly squashed and tossed aside. A few questions are reeling in my brain. Did I go through all of this for nothing? Should I really bow out or can I salvage some kind of decent performance? Do I merely want a salvageable result or is anything less than 100 percent of what I am really capable of unacceptable? What about the long term ramifications?

Let me back up a bit. Last week the day after my last blog post I had an accident at work which resulted in a deep gash in my palm and a sprained wrist. I decided to skip my regularly scheduled bench and deadlift work for the week as it would have been not only dangerous but I really couldn't grip anything anyway. I was pretty beat up from my training at this point and thought perhaps the extra recovery time may actually be a silver lining. I was right, my wrist healed, I wrapped the cut and an impromptu bench workout proved to be very productive.

Monday April 17th, I was slowing down with my blinker on  pulling into the driveway and all of a sudden I was propelled into the front lawn accompanied by a loud crash. I was rear ended by a pickup truck. I was in shock for a second then I limped the car into the driveway. The man who hit my car pulled in behind me and approached my vehicle asking if I was hurt and apologizing repeatedly. I got out of the car and for lack of a better term, scared the living shit out of him. simply because it was the first really hot day here in Maine, so being the musclehead that I am  I was wearing a tight tank top to get some sun and I am vascular and striated everywhere (yes I realize I'm bragging). He started to head back toward his vehicle so I assured him that I wasn't going to kill him and that I wasn't mad. Honestly, I've seen so many hit and runs  I was just glad he stopped. He was very cooperative and he accepted liability right away. "It was my fault, I wasn't paying attention and I didn't even see you", he said in a very apologetic tone. I was relieved at least I wouldn't have to deal with some jerk who was going to try to turn it around on me.

So we exchange information, the police write up a report and as the adrenaline  wears off I can feel whiplash and lower back pain setting in. An ambulance was called to check me out but I decided to get a ride from my roommate to the nearest urgent care facility. They took x-rays of my neck and back. I have fractured a vertebrate and herniated a couple of discs in the past. If you have followed me at all you know that I went through a long rehab period to overcome those injuries. I take great care to keep my back as healthy as I can so I can continue to train and compete in powerlifting and bodybuilding. Training and competing are  not just a hobbies or passions of mine they're a large part of my identity, it's a release, a way of reminding myself what I'm capable of and that limits are only set by oneself. 

So two days later, less than three weeks out from the meet I'm stiff and out of sorts mentally and emotionally. I've been to multiple doctors and taken all the necessary steps to start recovering. I've felt worse the last couple of days than I did initially, which was expected and now all I can do is stretch, use heat therapy, take anti-inflammatory medicine and.... Wait. Fuck! I have been training for months and months for my first full meet in over ten years feeling stronger than ever and something completely out of my control may have stopped me dead in my tracks. Longevity in the sport is paramount to anything else on which I will base my decision about what to do next. So for now I will think on it. I'm not thinking clearly enough right now to make those decisions. I'm a bit discouraged, a little confused, mostly frustrated and definitely pissed off! One thing I am certain of is that this injury will pass, this meet will come and go but I'll still be here continually preparing for the next challenge and the longer I have to train in the mean time the hungrier I'll be to take it to the next level when the opportunity inevitably arises. I have a lot more in me and at this point in my training tenure I've learned that patience and perseverance are a lot more valuable when faced with situations you cannot control than ego and wild emotion. So I'll take a step back and use this time as an asset to accomplish other things, rather than a liability and derail myself by making bad decisions.

So please check out my blog next week and I'll have answers to my own questions and maybe offer some insight on how to deal unforeseen and uncontrollable  roadblocks in your training. If you have any questions for me feel free to comment here or on Facebook. Until then train hard, live large and get #REKT!